So you have been cheated on and now you want revenge! Well I’m sure you have read or heard about those ex partners who got their revenge by cutting up their ex’s clothes or putting a dead fish in their car or stalking them while they are with their new love! Good ideas? No somehow I don’t think so.

But why? If doing something like the above makes you feel better then is it not a good idea?

No it isn’t and I’ll explain why. Apart from the obvious legal implications of destroying another person’s property there is the simple fact that doing something out of anger will only let your ex know something that you really do not want them to know!

And that is that you still care enough to take some kind of action against them. But you say, they know that I care and if they cared about me then I wouldn’t be doing this! Your ex may well think that you are still in love with them but knowing is a different matter.

By showing your ex that you are still in love you are giving them all the power! You are also showing them that you are not mature enough to handle whatever it is they have done in a grown up manner.  In fact you may as well send them a letter saying that you are available at any time for them and you do not have a life without them!

Your ex has gone, if they cared enough about you they would not have left so why hold a grudge about something you can do nothing about. You can’t control your ex’s life so why try? Besides it takes two to tango and blaming somebody else for you being on your own is simply refusing to take responsibility for your own life! Your relationship with your ex was as much your responsibility as theirs so perhaps you should examine your own life and work out why whatever happened did so and what you can do in the future to make sure it never happens again!

I am a firm believer in the maxim that it is your life and whatever happens in it is your responsibility. Living according to that way of thinking puts all the power in your life in your hands and actually makes it a lot easier to get through life!

So let’s have a look at what kind of revenge you could get satisfaction from.

The best type of revenge is where you move on in your life and find love again! Easy to say but is it easy to do? In a lot of ways yes. How you move on is up to you but one way of doing it is to get out there and make new friends. These new friends will in turn introduce you to other potential friends and partners so learn how to network! Join a gym or a walking/reading club, find something else to do that does not give you time to brood over the past. Filling your day with new experiences will in turn allow you to grow as a person and give you that maturity that will allow you to deal with any of life’s little problems!

As well as doing you the world of good, making new friends and building a new social life will have another consequence. It will show your ex that your life is going on without them! That you do not need them in your life for your life is complete with or without them.

And that my friend is real revenge!

Being dumped from a relationship sucks! And being the dumper is not much better! Both suffer from pangs of guilt over what they have done (dumper) and what they should have done (dumped). But should you let those guilty feelings rule your life or should you forgive and forget?

Many reading this will say that forgiving either themselves or their ex is not something that they can easily do, either because of the hurt that has been caused to them or the hurt they have caused to their ex. But this feeling of not being able to forgive seems to me to come from a feeling of superiority over others, “why should I forgive when I have done nothing wrong?” Or “it is the other person who should forgive me first”.

Let’s have a look at that attitude from the point of view of both the dumped and the dumper.

Being a dumpee is not pleasant and for many people in this situation the feeling of guilt can be overwhelming. “Should I have done more/listened more/taken him /her out more?” Or the classic “if only I had realised how bad the relationship was I could have saved it”. These recurring guilty feelings can be enough to stop a person in their tracks and prevent them from moving on. Similarly the feelings of anger about being dumped can turn into guilt at not being enough! Otherwise they think they would not have been dumped in the first place!

So want can you do about these feelings and bring yourself back into the real world. Well the first thing to do is try and forgive yourself. It does not matter if you were the cause of the breakup or it was your ex who initiated it. There is only one person in this world that you can truly control and that is you! Forgiving yourself for any mistakes you made no matter how big is a sign of responsibility and taking that responsibility for your life back will in turn help you gain strength to deal with the situation you are in.

Also self forgiveness is the first step towards forgiving your ex and that is something you must do. Harbouring feelings of anger and resentment towards your ex lover will only have the result of eating you up from the inside preventing you from either getting back with your ex on an equal footing or moving on and finding someone new.

If you are the dumper then the same principles of forgiveness apply. Maybe your ex cheated on you and you are finding it hard to forgive them. Perhaps you think that if only you had made more of an effort you would still have a relationship with your ex.  Whatever the reason you must learn to forgive yourself first and then forgive your ex. If you are harbouring those feelings of superiority I mentioned earlier in this article then forgiving your ex will allow you to develop into a more mature person. None of us is perfect and holding a grudge towards another human being simply because you feel they have treated you badly is silly and life wasting. While you are wallowing in your feelings of self pity and the superiority that comes from it your ex is building themselves a new life! Think of that the next time you feel angry about what you think your ex  has done!

A helpful technique you can learn is to set aside some time during your day when you know you will be alone and be able to think. Find a comfortable chair and sit down. Close your eyes and imagine you are somebody else. This does not have to be somebody you know, rather imagine that the person with the guilt and heartbreak is somebody you are talking to and trying to advise. In this conversation with your imaginary friend stress to them the importance of forgiveness, tell them that every one of us makes mistakes and that if they forgive themselves their life will be a lot easier to live.

This technique has its origins in self hypnosis and can be incredibly powerful but does need to be practised. So try and do it each day, once you can convince yourself that you are forgiven by you it will be so much easier to forgive your ex and move on with your life.

So often I hear about lovers “trying” to make a relationship work. Apart from the obvious fact that any relationship needs effort from both partners to work there is the fact that often one of the individuals in the relationship is trying simply to assuage their own conscience!

Are you in a situation where your ex is moving in and out of your life? Where he or she has somebody new but they keep coming back to you to “try” and make their relationship with you work?
If you are in this to and fro situation then you are not alone but it is very important that you realise why this is happening.

You may think that they are as genuine as you about trying to make the relationship work but are they really? Asking yourself some questions can make the situation much clearer.

1, Do they have someone else?

2, Have they told you that they feel guilty about leaving you?

2, Are they insecure about their own life?

4, Can they be trusted to tell you the truth?

5, How much trust in them do you still have?

If your ex has found somebody else but still comes back to you then they are probably feeling guilty about what has happened. “Trying” again with you is their way of getting rid of their own guilty conscience and gives them the opportunity to tell their friends and family that they have tried their “best” to make it work.

Telling you that they feel guilty about what they have done is simply a way of passing on the responsibility for the relationship onto you. In a way it is not being honest for if they really felt guilty then they would not be putting you through this daily heartache! After all who really sets out to hurt another human being deliberately?

Behaving in this way also signals insecurity in your ex. A mature person would not behave in this way for he or she would understand the pain they are causing and take steps to lessen that pain either by committing to you or moving on with their life and so giving you the chance to move on with yours. That insecurity and immaturity is something that you can do nothing about no matter how much you love your ex, it is something only they can deal with and it may take them having to suffer in the way you are suffering for them to learn how to grow and mature.

Even if your ex made the decision to come back to you permanently how much trust would you have in him or her? Once trust for another is broken it can take years to rebuild and if your ex is behaving in such an immature way now, without him or her growing up rapidly you will always find it hard to trust them again.

Really the best thing for you to do in this situation is for YOU to move on! The next time your ex says that they would like to try again, calmly and rationally explain to them that you are not interested and wish them the best of luck in their new life. No matter how much this hurts, you taking the upper hand in this situation is your only way out of it. It will ironically cause your ex to respect you a lot more and it will make it clear to him or her that you are in charge of your life and what happens in it!

If in the future you and your ex meet again he or she will remember the mature way you dealt with the relationship ending with them. This will give you a far greater chance of making any new relationship with your ex work without all the “trying!” Or if you meet someone new the maturity and responsibility that you learned to take for your own life will make you a much more attractive person.

When a relationship breaks up so many people find themselves in the position of living their life with a huge hole in it! They spent so much time with their ex, their life revolved around their ex lover and now that the relationship is over they find themselves with so much time on their hands and trying to figure out why if they tried so hard they are now on their own?

Ironically it is the very act of giving all to your partner that led to the relationship breaking up in the first place! While at the start of your relationship you spent all your time together in a frenzy of lovemaking and romance this kind of living in each other’s pockets simply can’t be maintained!

Why? Because for a relationship to grow it needs each of the partners in the relationship to constantly feed it with new experiences and to do that you need to have an independent life away from your partner.

By doing this you are showing your lover that your life does not revolve around them, your life was full before you met them and it will continue to be a full active life even if they leave. This is especially important with men as women while initially loving the 24 hour attention from their man will rapidly find it suffocating and eventually consider that attention to be a sign of neediness from their man. Not an attractive trait in anybody!

Now let’s take a look at how to move on after your relationship has ended.

The first few months of life alone can seem very daunting indeed with no idea about how to move on and get over the failure of what you thought was a perfect relationship.In fact for a lot of this time the only thing on your mind will be your ex and what he or she is doing now.

But for your own peace of mind you must make the effort to move on and find a new life.

One of the most common things that happen when a relationship ends is that a lot of the friends that were made during the relationship disappear as well, either through embarrassment because they don’t know what to say to you or because their loyalties lie with your ex. It may be a bitter pill to swallow but you must make the effort to forget about these “friends” and make new ones.

Making new friends will have a number of very positive effects on your life-

1, It will fill your time so you will no longer be able to brood about what happened

2, It will give you new experiences helping to replace the bad memories with better ones

3, One new friend will lead to another and so on

4, A new friend could well be a prospective new partner

Sounds easy but where do I meet these new friends?

In this day of internet access meeting new friends could not be easier. Go online and look up groups in your area. These could be book clubs/walking clubs/film clubs, in fact the list is endless! From checking out the latest fashions to sky diving you have an infinite number of choices. Joining a number of these will fill your time and allow you to learn the art of networking. Making new friends will turn your life around and present you with new opportunities in your life. And who knows maybe even a new love interest as well!

Being dumped from a relationship sucks! And being the dumper is not much better! Both suffer from pangs of guilt over what they have done (dumper) and what they should have done (dumped). But should you let those guilty feelings rule your life or should you forgive and forget?

Many reading this will say that forgiving either themselves or their ex is not something that they can easily do, either because of the hurt that has been caused to them or the hurt they have caused to their ex. But this feeling of not being able to forgive seems to me to come from a feeling of superiority over others, “why should I forgive when I have done nothing wrong?” Or “it is the other person who should forgive me first”.

Let’s have a look at that attitude from the point of view of both the dumped and the dumper.

Being a dumpee is not pleasant and for many people in this situation the feeling of guilt can be overwhelming. “Should I have done more/listened more/taken him /her out more?” Or the classic “if only I had realised how bad the relationship was I could have saved it”. These recurring guilty feelings can be enough to stop a person in their tracks and prevent them from moving on. Similarly the feelings of anger about being dumped can turn into guilt at not being enough! Otherwise they think they would not have been dumped in the first place!

So want can you do about these feelings and bring yourself back into the real world. Well the first thing to do is try and forgive yourself. It does not matter if you were the cause of the breakup or it was your ex who initiated it. There is only one person in this world that you can truly control and that is you! Forgiving yourself for any mistakes you made no matter how big is a sign of responsibility and taking that responsibility for your life back will in turn help you gain strength to deal with the situation you are in.

Also self forgiveness is the first step towards forgiving your ex and that is something you must do. Harbouring feelings of anger and resentment towards your ex lover will only have the result of eating you up from the inside preventing you from either getting back with your ex on an equal footing or moving on and finding someone new.

If you are the dumper then the same principles of forgiveness apply. Maybe your ex cheated on you and you are finding it hard to forgive them. Perhaps you think that if only you had made more of an effort you would still have a relationship with your ex.  Whatever the reason you must learn to forgive yourself first and then forgive your ex. If you are harbouring those feelings of superiority I mentioned earlier in this article then forgiving your ex will allow you to develop into a more mature person. None of us is perfect and holding a grudge towards another human being simply because you feel they have treated you badly is silly and life wasting. While you are wallowing in your feelings of self pity and the superiority that comes from it your ex is building themselves a new life! Think of that the next time you feel angry about what you think your ex  has done!

A helpful technique you can learn is to set aside some time during your day when you know you will be alone and be able to think. Find a comfortable chair and sit down. Close your eyes and imagine you are somebody else. This does not have to be somebody you know, rather imagine that the person with the guilt and heartbreak is somebody you are talking to and trying to advise. In this conversation with your imaginary friend stress to them the importance of forgiveness, tell them that every one of us makes mistakes and that if they forgive themselves their life will be a lot easier to live.

This technique has its origins in self hypnosis and can be incredibly powerful but does need to be practised. So try and do it each day, once you can convince yourself that you are forgiven by you it will be so much easier to forgive your ex and move on with your life.

So you have been cheated on and now you want revenge! Well I’m sure you have read or heard about those ex partners who got their revenge by cutting up their ex’s clothes or putting a dead fish in their car or stalking them while they are with their new love! Good ideas? No somehow I don’t think so.

But why? If doing something like the above makes you feel better then is it not a good idea?

No it isn’t and I’ll explain why. Apart from the obvious legal implications of destroying another person’s property there is the simple fact that doing something out of anger will only let your ex know something that you really do not want them to know!

And that is that you still care enough to take some kind of action against them. But you say, they know that I care and if they cared about me then I wouldn’t be doing this! Your ex may well think that you are still in love with them but knowing is a different matter.

By showing your ex that you are still in love you are giving them all the power! You are also showing them that you are not mature enough to handle whatever it is they have done in a grown up manner.  In fact you may as well send them a letter saying that you are available at any time for them and you do not have a life without them!

Your ex has gone, if they cared enough about you they would not have left so why hold a grudge about something you can do nothing about. You can’t control your ex’s life so why try? Besides it takes two to tango and blaming somebody else for you being on your own is simply refusing to take responsibility for your own life! Your relationship with your ex was as much your responsibility as theirs so perhaps you should examine your own life and work out why whatever happened did so and what you can do in the future to make sure it never happens again!

I am a firm believer in the maxim that it is your life and whatever happens in it is your responsibility. Living according to that way of thinking puts all the power in your life in your hands and actually makes it a lot easier to get through life!

So let’s have a look at what kind of revenge you could get satisfaction from.

The best type of revenge is where you move on in your life and find love again! Easy to say but is it easy to do? In a lot of ways yes. How you move on is up to you but one way of doing it is to get out there and make new friends. These new friends will in turn introduce you to other potential friends and partners so learn how to network! Join a gym or a walking/reading club, find something else to do that does not give you time to brood over the past. Filling your day with new experiences will in turn allow you to grow as a person and give you that maturity that will allow you to deal with any of life’s little problems!

As well as doing you the world of good, making new friends and building a new social life will have another consequence. It will show your ex that your life is going on without them! That you do not need them in your life for your life is complete with or without them.

And that my friend is real revenge!

Getting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back into your life is not easy but it can be done! If you have recently broken up then one thing you do NOT want to be doing is trying to stay in contact.Why?

Because all that shows your ex is that you don’t have a life to lead away from them. And how attractive do you think that is? The more you push your ex the farther they will run. It is a simple fact of life!

There is an old saying my grandmother was very fond of- Slowly slowly catchee monkee!

Let me ask you a question. How much interest do you think you are going to get from your ex if-

1, You are always around, trying to talk to them, ringing them constantly, sending notes and flowers daily?

2, You are out enjoying yourself, meeting new friends, doing new things, dating or travelling?

The first option tells your ex that you are needy, desperate and will run to them whenever they want. The second on the other hand shows that you are independent and in demand!

Now put yourself in the shoes of your ex. If you were him or her which one of those options would you find attractive in a new partner? New?

Yes you read it right! Forget about going back to your old relationship, it no longer exists but for the memories. It hurts to think that way I know but it is a fact that you are going to have to face. Any relationship that you are going to have with your ex has to be a new one!

The reasons for this are simple. Your ex must find you attractive again, must look upon a relationship with you as an attractive proposition, committing to you as a partner a worthwhile idea and feel attracted to you sexually. These things must be looked at as being new to your ex so you have to change the way your ex views you. Here is an example.

If your relationship was marred by constant rows then your ex is not going to find the idea of going back to that very appealing! After all you wouldn’t want to go back to a relationship like that would you?

So what to do? The answer to this question is quite simple. Take some time out of your day, sit down where you won’t be disturbed, close your eyes and imagine yourself as an outsider looking in on your old relationship. This is not very easy to do but it is a wonderful technique for taking your mind off your current heartbreak and also enabling you to see a lot more clearly.

Once you are able to look at your relationship from the point of view of a stranger then you can pinpoint those areas where arguments tended to start. Something about your home, or maybe his or her refusal to tidy up, perhaps the two of you had got into a rut and you or your ex was bored?

It may surprise you to see that a lot of your disagreements with your ex probably had to do with the same thing. In fact most of your arguments were probably repetitive, the same ones coming up again and again simply because the underlying problem has not been dealt with!

Now you can start to work out how to deal with that problem so that if you get the chance to start a NEW relationship with your old lover that problem won’t be a problem any more!

This article is obviously directed at men but ladies if you want to comment then feel free!

1, Understand what it is to be a man! I’m not talking about what you learnt from your dad or your friends, what I mean is how you as a man project yourself to others. The great thing about the internet age is how easy it is to simply go on line and find out information about anything under the sun. So if you have ever been told by a woman to “man up” or “be a man” then maybe it’s time you took those comments seriously, did yourself a favour and found out what “being a man” really means! The ladies in your life will love it!

2, What the hell do women see in Brad Pitt anyway? It is surprising how many men simply don’t understand why their woman goes weak at the knees when her favourite film star appears on screen. Let me give you a clue gents! He looks GOOD! Now go away and think about that and when you have finally worked it out take a look at your self in the mirror and then dump those baggy shorts!

3, Stop living in the past! Men in particular seem to revel in throwing every little indiscretion that their woman has ever committed back in her face the moment an argument starts. Let it go guys! Want to know why? It is because women LOVE a man who has the capacity and the heart to forgive! Women know they are not perfect, men unfortunately believe they are!

4, Except responsibility for your life and everything that happens in it! The days when you could cry to mom that “a big boy did it and ran away” are long gone my friend! Owning up to your mistakes is a big plus in a woman’s mind, it means you are honest with yourself and as far as she is concerned that means that you will always be honest with her!

5, Learn what maturity is and then get some! The number of immature men running round loose in this world is simply frightening! Whether their dads were immature as well or they have been spoiled by their mommy’s is anybody’s guess but women HATE immature men! To a woman a man who is immature is not a prospect for a good relationship, after all if the man can’t look after himself how is he going to look after HER kids? So guys go join a weekend course were you will have to learn to cook for yourself and clean your own underwear! Or even better sign up for a course in leadership skills, there is nothing like trying  to command other men for building maturity.

6, Take charge! Women want a leader not a bully, they like to be led by a man who knows where  he is going and how to get there! Now this is not the same as driving blindly down a country road and refusing to ask for directions! Admitting you are lost is a sign of maturity and responsibility, not admitting it is a sign of stupidity! A woman wants a man who can take her to a restaurant that he thinks she will like rather than her being asked over and over “where would you like to go?” A leader is safe and respected, so do yourself a favour guys and take your woman by the hand and show her you are a man!

7, Shape up or ship out! Join a gym Jim and get yourself fit! Ok so that’s not really Paul Simon but you know what I mean. If you are more Billy Blob than Superman then it is time to do something about it. And while you are at it how about cleaning the yard and fixing stuff! There is NOTHING more annoying to a woman than an untidy man and I just know this is going to come as a surprise to a lot of men out there but women find a tidy man a turn on! Note I said tidy not nerd so dump the geek glasses! Tidiness points to responsibility which points to maturity which points to…ok you get the idea!

So there you are, 7 laws about women and getting her back. Why did I call it 7 Laws? Because I strongly think that most of the relationship problems and breakups that men go through are linked to one or maybe all of the points above. Sort these out and you will stand a far better chance of getting an ex lover back or even attracting a new one!